February is "Bar Month" at OnMadison.com, and we'll serve up more than a six pack a week of bar articles all month long. Look for bartender profiles, drink recipes, revamped bar guides and more!

I've been spending an inordinate amount of time lately sitting at a bar not far from my house. Afternoons. Evenings. Weekends. The amazing thing is that neither my wife nor my boss is upset. In fact, the boss even picked up my tab.

Sound too good to be true? That's what my neighbor thought when I explained my situation.

"What have you been up to?" he asked.

"Not much," I said. "Just studying like crazy for the bar exam."

"I didn't even know you went to law school," he said.

"I didn't," I replied. "I've been going to Bartending School and I'm studying for the final. Do you want me to make you a martini or a Manhattan?"

Talk about your conversation starters ...

In preparation for "Bar Month" at OnMadison.com, I enrolled at The Bartending College (739 S. 108th St., West Allis). If you've listened to Milwaukee rock radio at all over the past decade, you've probably heard the jingle about Slippery Nipples, White Russians, Neutron Bombs, Manhattans, Dry Martinis, Pina Coladas, Purple Hooters, Bahama Mamas, etc.

I'd heard the jingle. I'd seen the ads. But, I never really thought about attending because, to be honest, I never really thought much about the cocktails I ordered beyond the basics like price, temperature, taste and time needed to order another.

That changed quickly.

On a sunny weekday afternoon, I strolled into The Bartending College storefront -- located across Highway 100 from Home Owner's Bargain Outlet where I sometimes purchase cheap duct tape. I sat in the reception area, asked a few questions and paid the $449 tuition (which included a 95-page textbook and responsible beverage certification course) and started attending classes so that I could share my experiences here at our magazine.

"If the place is a scam, I'll blow the lid off the story," I thought. "If its legit, maybe I'll have something to fall back on if I break a few fingers and can't type stories for a few months."

Let's get this out of the way right now: it's not a scam.

Over the course of several weeks, I sat in front of the long bar -- sometimes alone and sometimes flanked by one to five classmates -- and listened to lectures and watched demonstrations on subjects like two-liquor drinks, highballs and juice drinks, shooters, exotic drinks, and hot drinks, wine and beer.

When class ended, I'd jump behind the bar, set up my station (by pouring ice into the bin) and practice mixing "drinks," from real booze bottles filled with water and food coloring to simulate the real thing.

The Bartending College stresses this "hands-on" approach. Students are encouraged to come in and practice pouring drinks, even while other classes are in progress.

"I see students come in an hour early for class and practice off to the side. Those are the kids that are going to do well," said Larry Van Den Eng, the lead instructor and operations manager of the school.

In order to remain "undercover," I didn't reveal my identity or intentions to anyone at the school until I had finished the 30-hour course, along with the three-hour Responsible Beverage certification and final exam. When I finally "outed" myself, Van Den Eng was surprised.

"Man, it's like you're the CIA or something," he said, smiling. After recovering from the initial shock, he asked: "So, what did you think?"

Because I had just racked my brain to remember things like the ingredients of a Smith & Kerns (1 oz. Kahlua, 2 oz cream, fill with soda), Van Den Eng probably got a pretty generic answer.

When people ask me about the experience now, I can tell them three things with nearly absolute certainty:

1. Bartending is not brain surgery, but there is a lot more to it than most laymen think.
2. The actual mixing of drinks -- glass selection, ingredients and assembly -- constitutes only about one-third of a bartender's job, if that. The rest consists of set up, clean up and -- most important -- customer relations, sales and setting a tone for the establishment or occasion.
3. James Bond was, relatively speaking, a wimp when it came to martinis.

We'll start with the last point first, so you can save the angry Talkbacks and e-mails. I'm a fan of 007, or at least I was when Sean Connery and Roger Moore were playing the part, but one of the first things we talked about during two-liquor drink class was that the most famous drink order in all of bartending -- "Shaken, not stirred," -- was a sign of weakness.

"One of the things that happens when you shake a martini is that the ice in the shaker chips, which adds water and lowers the strength of the drink," Van Den Eng explained to me and Tom, a UW-Milwaukee student in a Gaelic football jersey who is attending The Bartending College in hopes of picking up extra money for school.

"A stirred martini is slightly stronger, but they are both made completely of alcohol," Van Den Eng said. "So it's always a good idea to offer the customer a glass of water when you serve one."

Inside tips like that abound in the bar/classroom, where students from their late teens to their 50s learn recipes, the origin of cocktails and the way that different liquors are produced.

"From our feedback, students really get into learning the history behind the drinks and the technique," Van Den Eng said. "Why is it called a Cuba Libre? What's the difference between Irish whisky and Scotch? Students are very interested in that."

Van Den Eng said that the privately-owned college, which has been in operation since 1974 and was formerly located Downtown on Wisconsin Avenue, currently has 35 to 40 students enrolled but class sizes can range from one to about 10.

"There is no mandatory attendance, so it's a little hard to gauge at times," said Van Den Eng, who has been in the bar business for more than 10 years and has been at the school for six.

"Our students can take one class a week or one class a day. They can finish the course in two days, two weeks or two months. It's all up to their schedule at work, home or school. We rotate the classes every day so that if you can only make it at a certain time, you can get all the classes you need. You can finish the course in three Saturdays, if that's when you're free."